last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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