I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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