Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
