Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
