This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
