Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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