how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
