No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I want her autograph on my taint
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
