Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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