All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
