I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
