and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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