someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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