we have officially lost it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
