Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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