So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got her a Nickelback box set.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
