I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize