My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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