A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
