thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
