vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
