I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
