I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
