I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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