Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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