Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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