Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
