hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
