There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
