PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize