I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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