I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
