Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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