ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think your dad took our porno
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
