i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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