I skipped work to stalk him.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize