I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
