kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
