omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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