I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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