worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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