is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
