hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize