Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have so many feelings about this burrito
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
