everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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