Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
