Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
