you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
