his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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