He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
