see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
