I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
