Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
