it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
