apparently the secret to your success is patron
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
