i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
