Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I sprained my soul last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
