I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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