Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize