her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
