yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
