Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
