I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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