So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
