Need sex. Gaining weight.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need a beard to bite.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
