I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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