Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
