is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
