You smell like stripper and shame
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
