dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
